Finding a passion
Starting Point (charcoal, conte, and pastel drawing), Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008
To say that today started with the march of a wrecking ball would be a light statement. Yet the whole day has passed, and now, in the darkening of the evening, I am not defeated.
Sure, I had a dark spell around noon, where I could have easily found myself bawling and filling the river ditch on the side of my house full of salt stained tears, but I quietly wrote about that, let the words describing the event simply flow out of me and away from me, and moved on.
I thought, then, in astonishment, that I had grown yet again. On any other day before today, such a minor (because in looking back, the event itself was a penance) event would have knocked me out. I would have found myself defeated, icky with the feel of unwashed hair, and sitting in front of the television for hours. It would have been a wasted day. And that feeling would probably have lingered for days.
Instead, I got up and away from the computer and the technology that should have made everything so much easier and had not, and took a really short, hot shower. I have to laugh because in talking myself down from the somewhat depressive edge, I began to clean the shower. It felt better than actually punching something and it got me moving, doing something simple and productive. And I rushed out of that clean shower and wrote up an ambitious “to do” list for the remainder of the day.
I am, in all honesty, sitting back watching myself. I cannot believe it. And I have to think, and wonder, and be amazed, that this desire to attain creativity has actually brought me to this point, to the crossroads of where my passions lie. And since these are my passions, my willingness to give them life is pushing me to continue on, beyond anything that looks dark or tiresome or incomplete.
I can finally say that I have a passion about this, that I am driven to finish this off, to continue it and see where it goes. On the flip side, even though I may have a passion I still have no true clue as to where this journey to attaining creativity will go, but heck, I’m on my way.
And just writing that, well, that places a whole different perspective on today.
I have to give thanks for the small kind actions that have occurred today. As part of my list of to do’s, I have contacted many people whom I’ve never met – and a good percentage have replied, with more kindness and more information than I ever asked for. In completing my own personal blooming list of the day. I find myself writing this blog, and realizing that this ability to withstand this tiny storm is an achievement that I did not expect but I cannot help but hold it dearly, give it strength while it gives me strength.
I know that I am only starting on this road, and I have, for the time being only what I can call my own “success” of actually drawing, but I feel that outside the realm of my peripheral vision, attaining my creativity is lurking, hiding yet in the shadows but sending small ripples of achievement, accomplishment, and inklings that I will conquer all that I need to, in due time.
So to finish off tonight, I’m listening to a good grooving song, uplifting, and listening to my own internal register of everything that today has taught me. It has been a productive day indeed!
