Detail of “Talking with God,” 12×12 pastel drawing by Pia f. Walker, Copyright 2008 Attaining Creativity 

I have spent a week simply floating, attempting to hold down to an anchor, to keep moving on, to seem like I am doing something. And yet this nagging feeling kept me still. Part of it was fear, this fear of creating something great, of having utter and total fun all the time, fear of being myself. And the other part, well that too was fear, fear of attempting to float in a reality that seems to crashing all around me.

Yet as I shared my dilemma with a few people close to me, they reminded me, in their wisdom, that allowing fear to win during those times that seem chaotic, times like world wars or food lines or devastating depressions, accomplishes nothing. Yes, the upcoming times will be difficult. Uncertainty and definitely insecurity will surround our days for weeks, months. Although I should be no means continue as if nothing has changed from the heydays of the golden bounty this country has been experiencing during the past years, I SHOULD not look forward wearing only black clothes and move forward as if in mourning. I have been reminded that people have survived, lived through, sometimes even with great memories and triumphs, during those World Wars and the Great Depression.

At this point in history, where we have no control over our jobs (if we are employed by others), no control over our money (if it is managed by others), where it seems like we may have no control over anything, we do still have control over ourselves, our attitudes, our actions.

So I prepared yesterday for another market day, dressed in a fun fall outfit full of bright oranges and deep browns, kept a smile that I truly felt, and interacted with human beings. And I was rewarded by coming home with enough cash to make the day worthwhile. Sure, there were less people out, less people spending, less people with a positive attitude. Yet somehow I survived the day, just as my wiser friend said I would.

As I was preparing for the day, I went through my coffee in hand and laptop on the other routine, reading some blog feeds. As I have become accustomed to, when I put something, whether it is a feeling or a request, out in the universe, a response does come, in its own time of course. So, if you are feeling lost, are wondering whether continuing in an endeavor of creativity that has no safety net is a good idea during these uncertain times, check out these blog entries. Neither I nor the writers promise you a solution. Instead, after reading these wonderful words, I do hope that you feel safer in your own self, less fearful of being you, of moving forward. I was reminded of why I have chosen to take this route of color and texture and utter fun. In my own essence, I did not have a monetary goal that I needed to reach – in fact in all of the business exercises I have written that has never made the top of the list. What I did want to achieve was: “making creations that inspire people to attain their own creativity, trust their own views, and discover their own voice.”

So, if you are feeling lost, or simply need a reminder of why you have chosen your path, read:

“ Fact Sheet,” a blog entry by Christine Mason Miller,

“Dreams and Doubts,” a blog entry by Graciel. Not only is her writing exquisite but the message is simple: sometimes, you just have to release the doubt and trust.

As I head out into today, which sometimes in itself is a challenge, I will be surrounded by a fall wind storm. I will smile and laugh and play, and enjoy the wind and allow it to carry me onto the next plateau. It may be a bumpy road, but boy will it be FUN!

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 11th, 2008 at 1:38 pm and is filed under Attaining creativity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.