I have found that whenever I am feeling so out of sorts that I can’t see upwards, a day comes and arrives with a windstorm. The kind of high energy winds that move your hair no matter which way you face and shake your soul. I think of those days as personal gifts, just for me, with the purpose of shaking me loose from my depressions, my fears, my confusions. The more time I spend outside, surrounded and encircled by these powerful winds, the more their force blow away all doubts and clear my mind so that I may see the way out of whatever maze I have found myself in.

As I am just starting out in this journey of attaining creativity, I find myself wavering, over and over again, not knowing of the response towards my work, and at times not knowing what my work should be. And so the last couple of days, after putting together a simple business plan and some financial projections, I have felt beaten. How could I ever think that this would work? How would I dare jump?

And today’s winds came, from the ocean all the way up the mountains and over the century old redwoods and into the valley and my house. As an astrological water sign, you’d think that water would be my source of inspiration, of movement. And yet it is only when those windy days arrive that I feel rushed forward, propelled into action. Isn’t wind what makes water move, what creates motion and is the start of waves in the ocean? So it makes sense, then, that strong winds would create the perfect days to clean house and get moving.

Last week I had done research on weekly craft markets and had remembered the Old Monterey Market Place. So to check it out in person, today I drove down the coast towards the beautiful town of Monterey, California.

The drive, swirly with the winds (those winds really were strong), started the clearing of my head, and I found myself thinking about my ultimate goals, and how I had defined success (remember that I had hinted it was not associated with loads of money or celebrity type fame). I may still now know the full way of how to meet my financial projections (yikes!) but I have to be thankful for something I wrote out last week. It does help to have focus on what I want the end goal to be, and with that, everything else, I still believe, will fall into its rightful place.

The hours spent at the craft and farmer’s market were well worth it and I walked away with an amazing amount of notes, all pertaining to the customer base that would be at the market, comments about displays, weather and how it would affect displays. Above all, however, I had fun, and with those winds, and a feeling of youth and excitement, I found my brain clear, refreshed. I felt my spirit lifted, engaged with my daily life, and willing to continue to move forward.

As I drove home with my first basket of fresh strawberries of the season, I sat in my quiet car (no music, no radio) and as I listened to the winds hissing through the windows, I kept thinking, I kept plotting, I kept progressing forward. How could I not feel uplifted as I drove along the sand dunes of Sand City, and saw the beginnings of the foggy haze that would cover the strawberries field of Castroville and Watsonville, and looked out onto the wild ocean being colored by the descending orange sun?

Although it was a successful day just because of the thoughts and notes that I was able to produce, I acknowledged that as an artist or any entrepreneur who is working for themselves, and probably at home, it is so essential to just get out of the house, at least for one afternoon, once a week, and just interact with life – other people, other experiences. The feelings of failure can accumulate so much quicker if I also begin to feel stuck physically in my house. If I want inspiration, although the redwoods around me provide me with plenty, I also need to change my habitat, see children smile, men buying flower bouquets, teenagers playing violins, and enjoy fresh strawberries!

A Flower for You (conte, and pastel drawing), Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008  

In the later part of this week, I’ve been experiencing:
- Having a constant feeling of being overwhelmed. I find myself having tons of ideas – not only creative creation ideas but marketing ideas, selling ideas, promotion ideas – but having no idea on which way to go. This con is all about having a lack of focus.
- Lack of direction – since there are so many ideas, my energies are directed everywhere and nowhere. Again, this con is all about having a lack of focus. Am I seeing a pattern here?

Although I’ve been drawing and creating pieces this week, I have not put up anything on my shop or done much else to actually begin to sell my wares. I began to realize that I was simply just drawing and hoping that everything else would fall into place. Well, I kind of knew that nothing would fall into place on its own, but I was hoping that my momentum would direct me to the right place and time.

And in its own way, my momentum has. It has focused me on actually penning down my ideas and focus, and now that I am seeing my goals written down, I know much better how my creations fit into place, and I know how to create work that ties into my goals.

I spend what I call an administrative hour each morning dealing with e-mails and checking out other people’s blogs (the only negative about that is that most people haven’t updated their blogs by 7:30AM!) but I use that time to get inspiration for the rest of the day, figure out new tactics on networking and promoting my work, and get rearing to go for the remainder of the day.

At Creative Everyday’s Springy Inspiration blog entry, I found out about The Boss of You blog and got immediately to doing the first list of exercises on their book. I got so excited after doing the first three exercises (and Lauren and Emira finish the chapter off by telling to give yourself a treat – how much better can finishing up business objectives be!) that I did a quick search of where I can buy their book locally (doing what I can to help keep things green). So this weekend, while I’m getting more art supplies, I’ll also be cruzing down to Bookshop Santa Cruz and picking up their book.

I also found some very creative and simple marketing ideas on how to promote my work – the ideas there were so neat that I have been thinking about how to implement them nonstop this morning.

After writing down my goals and being amazed at what I actually wrote down as my measurement of success (hint: it’s not about money or popularity but about being part of another person’s journey to attaining their own creativity and freedom from having to live the “standard” life), I can see clearly one of the pros of simply jumping off:
- Having so many ideas and realizing that I can think, that I am creative, and that I am good and worthy of success.

Although I am one of those that despises writing goals down, I have come to the age and time in my life in which I realize the power of doing so: Having your goals and your desires stare you in the face every day is a powerful reminder of why you are following your passion, and a visual reminder that gives me focus and drive.

Have a great weekend, full of ideas, and goal setting, and creations!

Photo by Pia Walker, Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008   

I find myself calmer, more centered, even though this whole journey is so unknown. I allowed yesterday to be a day of simply learning, of not rushing around and trying to push for something that perhaps was not true, or necessary, or even good.

I allowed creativity to fester in my mind overnight, simmering in my lengthy sleep, so that I could awaken this morning, to gray clouds and still find the sunshine, the desire to have a wonderful day.

And so it was. My mental list of things to do was accomplished in the unwritten deadlines I had given myself. And I found myself reworking a project, but from a different angle. I saw myself playing again, with simple lines, and I smiled.

A month or so ago, after my daily exercise of simply painting had allowed me to arrive at an art style that really was a compilation of everything I had drawn in my youth, I found myself creating 6 lines on a piece of sketch paper and crying. My sketch had few details yet it conveyed everything I needed to, at that moment. I was crying because I could not believe that after such rough trials, I had arrived at my calling in the simplest manner. I could not believe that after creating abstract drawings that started in darkness, for that is where my mind was at the time, I was sketching a simple landscape with waves of mountains and a simple character watching it all.

As I have mentioned in a previous blog entry, I have wavered from such a drawing, a style. Yet I find myself back there again and know that that is where I will remain, at least for a long while. I may tweak, I may expand, but if I can have that joy of simply placing conté lines on a piece of paper and seeing a woman be drawn with 4 lines, I will be happy and content.

And I have to give gratitude to my wavering, for I have found pieces of styles that fit well with my latest creations. It is as if I needed to waver to get some missing pieces. And so nothing has been for lost. The detour I took has gotten me back to the main road of my creativity and my style, and I have had some fun along the way.

I have spent this Earth Day just enjoying the whole process, not feeling rushed while still accomplishing. I have sat outside in the noon hour, to enjoy the last bits of sun before the rains arrive, and I have found a caterpillar wondering along the deck rail. This little yellow caterpillar will bloom into a beautiful butterfly, and the grape vine that he finally found already has tiny buds that will become actual grapes come harvest time. It is as if the Earth itself is reminding me that there is a time and season for everything, and that all the things that may feel small today will bloom at a later date and arrive at just the right time.

Enjoy this season of growing and expanding and continue on the journey to attaining creativity!

Starting Point (charcoal, conte, and pastel drawing), Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008  

To say that today started with the march of a wrecking ball would be a light statement. Yet the whole day has passed, and now, in the darkening of the evening, I am not defeated.

Sure, I had a dark spell around noon, where I could have easily found myself bawling and filling the river ditch on the side of my house full of salt stained tears, but I quietly wrote about that, let the words describing the event simply flow out of me and away from me, and moved on.

I thought, then, in astonishment, that I had grown yet again. On any other day before today, such a minor (because in looking back, the event itself was a penance) event would have knocked me out. I would have found myself defeated, icky with the feel of unwashed hair, and sitting in front of the television for hours. It would have been a wasted day. And that feeling would probably have lingered for days.

Instead, I got up and away from the computer and the technology that should have made everything so much easier and had not, and took a really short, hot shower. I have to laugh because in talking myself down from the somewhat depressive edge, I began to clean the shower. It felt better than actually punching something and it got me moving, doing something simple and productive. And I rushed out of that clean shower and wrote up an ambitious “to do” list for the remainder of the day.

I am, in all honesty, sitting back watching myself. I cannot believe it. And I have to think, and wonder, and be amazed, that this desire to attain creativity has actually brought me to this point, to the crossroads of where my passions lie. And since these are my passions, my willingness to give them life is pushing me to continue on, beyond anything that looks dark or tiresome or incomplete.

I can finally say that I have a passion about this, that I am driven to finish this off, to continue it and see where it goes. On the flip side, even though I may have a passion I still have no true clue as to where this journey to attaining creativity will go, but heck, I’m on my way.

And just writing that, well, that places a whole different perspective on today.

I have to give thanks for the small kind actions that have occurred today. As part of my list of to do’s, I have contacted many people whom I’ve never met – and a good percentage have replied, with more kindness and more information than I ever asked for. In completing my own personal blooming list of the day. I find myself writing this blog, and realizing that this ability to withstand this tiny storm is an achievement that I did not expect but I cannot help but hold it dearly, give it strength while it gives me strength.

I know that I am only starting on this road, and I have, for the time being only what I can call my own “success” of actually drawing, but I feel that outside the realm of my peripheral vision, attaining my creativity is lurking, hiding yet in the shadows but sending small ripples of achievement, accomplishment, and inklings that I will conquer all that I need to, in due time.

So to finish off tonight, I’m listening to a good grooving song, uplifting, and listening to my own internal register of everything that today has taught me. It has been a productive day indeed!

Photo by Pia Walker, Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008   

I have been wanting to draw a lemon tree for a while. I tried to look through photographs on the web, in magazines, even at some lemon trees in my neighborhood. Once I settled on its shape, I did a quick sketch, in pencil. I think that because I knew that this would not be the final piece, I felt more relaxed and in the end, I was so happy with my sketch (colored oddly enough in lime green marker) that I felt like I had to give the sketch a name.

Before I could fully think it through, I wrote “My Lemon Tree.” And then I found myself staring at those words, but in particular at the word MY. I hadn’t drawn my small, weak lemon tree from my garden, yet it was MY lemon tree. The pressure of the pencil, the shape of the leaves, the details on the tree trunk, those were all my decisions. And then I fully realized why I was so wound up with this word, so happy.

This was my vision, my realization. Unlike any work or project that I had completed in a corporate workplace, this truly was mine, MY. In how many instances can that truly be said?

Sometimes we do labors of love, of art, but we compromise ourselves. In years past, I have designed greeting cards in a lower cost bracket, so that my handmade cards would not seem too pricey. And while it is always a good idea to have different price levels to offer consumers, I was doing it merely to gain customers. And my designs showed it. I wasn’t really into them and I put very little effort into actually being creative.

In throwing myself into this journey to attaining creativity, I have of course read a lot, tried to find mentors, the whole works (before I got so excited I just had to jump in). In the interviews of all the successful artists that I have found so far, all of them say, without a doubt, to not compromise simply to sell. In their attempts to find a paying audience they had tried different things, to no success! It was only when they put all of that aside, and simply created for their joy and for what they stood for, that they found success and that customers found them.

And so I’m taking the power of MY creative powers, of MY own view of the world, and moving forward. I have, since written my first blog, wavered in that journey. I thought that my work would remain in the abstract arena, which at times seemed too difficult, since how do you explain to someone the power of a simple red canvas? I had heard it say that abstract artists are sort of like conmen – they need to convince the viewer of something.

And although I tried different styles and worked out some creations that were “cute,” they were not truly pushing my spirit. Instead of continuing on my journey to attaining creativity, which is supposed to be filled with finding out who I truly am, I was finding myself along the path that I had wanted to leave behind: the path of simplicity, of wanting to please others, of doing what is expected of me and no more.

So I dare you to label something of yours MY – and see how much power it gives you.

A Different View (mixed media collage), Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008  

It has been one of those days in which I just take a look at stuff and get it together.

A day in which cleaning up the vegetable beds forces me to battle with an ever growing rose vine, which only goes to show me that fighting against destruction is an attribute not only found in humans.

A day in which in looking for a string, with my hands full, I grabbed a long plucked weed stick, still green, still bendable, and used it to tie together three sticks to form a triangle.

A day in which in sitting out on the deck, I saw a hummingbird feeding from the sugar water, and the wild winds tossed the feeder in a circle. The hummingbird sat still, going around in circles, tilting like a pirate ship circus ride, safe in the knowledge that its feet held tightly onto the ledge, and that no wind, no tossing would remove it from its source of food, of life, of joy.

A day in which medial tasks proved fruitful and got accomplished easily, without a waste of time or a waste of energy.

A day in which I found myself listening to a song over and over again, since its melody kept repeating itself, as merely confirming that in my life I am staying within the same circle, only making that circle wider and wider as I age, mature, challenge myself and attempt to find the greatest pieces of my life.

A day in which I asked myself whether I am merely a traveler in this life, whether my spirit will always feel a desire to roam the pampas, the wide and open spaces that contain no edge, no limits, only grass and sky and a wild freedom. A day in which that question caused no fear, merely recognition.

A day in which the cool ocean breeze flew over the hilltops and clashed with the heat of urban peninsula, causing unbalance yet in reality teaching me about balance, about how life is about being off kilter, and that once I learn how to navigate those blind roads, I will only then have found balance.

A day in which just seeing, feeling, tasting, smelling, and listening were all that was necessary.

Preciosa (mixed media collage), Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008 

As I move towards a better future, and by better I mean happier, content, I see the echoes of my past directing me. It is as if a common thread of unity flows through our lives, regardless of how hard we attempt to disconnect ourselves from our past.

My echoes include my country of birth, Argentina, and its culture and music and food. Such echoes are evident in my writing, something that against all odds I have always been proud of: my sentences are utterly, painfully long, a trait of old Spanish authors.

It is that same thread of long continuity that I find in my drawings as swell – I have wavered between simplicity and laborious effort and it is only after I have labored over several paintings that took hours that I can simply draw a simple element in a piece of paper and be content.

As I look at my drawings, I begin to notice the lines of drawings past, of old characters. They have changed, evolved, yet their origin remains grounded in my childhood.

I have found old journal entries in which I described a second entity hidden within myself, which was shouting to escape, shouting to be heard. I have had that second entity most of my life, and yet I have forced it to remain quiet up till now.

In driving by my old middle school, I realized that those were my happy years. During high school, I found myself surrounded by teachers who truly encouraged me to try new things. They saw what I had been hiding, and they quietly helped me bring it out. It was during these years that I entered art contests and joined new clubs. As I write this now, I realize that I was not scared to do these things, but I was driven to do these things. It was purely a match in time and place in which I found the right arena and support to do these things.

With high school, however, came “responsibility.” It came with the fact that art by itself is not a well-though profession. It came with the responsibility to take all the required courses and forget those electives that actually make a well-rounded person. It came with the death sentence that all that I accomplished in high school would determine, forever, my path in life – it would get me into college, into a profession, into making the big bucks.

Yet I have to remember middle school, and I have to remember what fearlessness I had during those years, and use that fearlessness to keep moving forward, into a new future which is merely a recast, better version of my past.

Garden View (mixed media collage), Copyright © Attaining Creativity 2008

When paint, when flow, when creativity arrives and pleases, it isn’t just enough to see the results of my trials. It isn’t enough to simply be approving of the final visual treat, staring back at me. I found myself, after finishing this piece, wanting to eat up the leftover paint that remained on my silver mixing plate. Gleefully, I kept moving the brush around in circles, like a piece of good French bread over the remains of grandma’s pasta sauce on my plate.  

It is for such weird, yet universally harmonious, moments, that I enjoy the trials of creation. Although I have many times designed a drawing piece in my mind and have sketched it out before paint or pastels ever touch canvas, it is in those moments in which I have no thoughts or attempts, and I am basically just trying things out, that I find myself enjoying the process more.

It is as if by sketching out a preconceived idea, the attempts to bring it to life, exactly as I pictured it initially in my mind, are always bound to fail, as I punish myself for lacking skills or become frustrated by the disconnect between the fruit of labor in front of me and the ever-perfect creation that remains in my mind, unable to be attained.  

As I poured water into the silver paint plate and saw the paints delude and create their own, ever changing beauty, I remembered that not only through my successes but also through my trials, through my lack of planning, have I found and have had the greatest fun. It is in attempting to deal with the detours in life, or in just taking the detours, that I have found myself smiling, living, enjoying my life. My journey towards attaining my own creativity cannot be planned, to the last minute detail. And while I go about finding it, attaining it, well, I’ll just keeping looking for those wonderful treats that lay in the creative messes that are detours.

I’m jumping in, jumping off the ledge with both eyes closed.

There you have me, at this moment.

I found myself, months ago, at a loss, unidentifiable as a person. Sitting outside in the December sun, I realized that besides telling people what I did for a living, I could tell them nothing else. I realized that years had passed in which I had merely let my 9-to-5 “life” take over everything else that was once me. And even though the bitter, sharp cold wind of those December days may have some attribution, I felt, upon that realization, utterly empty.

I needed to teach myself how to think, for myself, again. Although my life up to that point had been defined and with a purpose (go to work, make money, purchase what is necessary, have some fun), I hadn’t had to think too much about me. Everything was pretty much planned out, and ironically, isn’t that how it is? You’re born, finish school (maybe pursue an MBA), get married, get the house, acquire some pets, have some kids, continue getting promotions, and then retire. Simple, isn’t it?

Yet somehow, in all that simplicity, I had willingly given up my own free will, the will to actually make of my life what I wanted it to be. And since I had given up that will, I now found myself blank, with no knowledge of what made me me.

I re-read all of my craft magazines, leafed through beauty magazines, watched cooking and travel shows, and plenty of PBS shows. I found myself connecting to college kids in the PBS  show Road Nation, and as they traveled around the country interviewing people and asking the eternal question, what do I do next, I asked myself that too.

Slowly, as I inputted as much text and visual input into my brain as I could stand, ideas began to just pop in. And I began to get excited.

The ideas that began to pile in were all along the same line: creativity. So as I began to fill myself up again, erasing the feeling of blankness, I began to paint. Each day, I would produce another painting, seeing shapes and colors evolve. Slowly, I began to see that my brain, and my hands, remembered all my prior tinkering, and was pushing them out in each drawing. In what I thought was merely playing, I found my way back to my joys.

Yet even after I realized that creativity would become a dominant force in my everyday life, I was scared to give it life. And so weeks would pass in which I would simply continue being, without creativity.

And so I now find myself staring at a local street sign that bluntly states: “What are you waiting for?” So I’m jumping off the easily scripted life and into the path of confusingly being me. Isn’t it ironic how being someone else, following another’s footsteps, is the easier of the two, while truly being yourself, wacky and all, is the harder?

I have no idea or preconceived notion of where this journey to attaining creativity will go – can creativity be planned? But as I look at that street sign as I drive by, I do realize that all my excuses for waiting, for not doing, are all just words. Literally. Besides telling myself not to do it, what other excuse do I really have?

So I’m jumping in. While I have no excuses for remaining still, as a jumper, I need all the inspiration I can get. Along with my strong cups of morning coffee, I listen to my favorite podcast. Hopefully this short film will have you thinking about where you want your life to take you. Hopefully, you’ll start attaining your own creativity, in whatever form you desire.